I just filled out the Florida unemployment application. I then received a digital reminder from the universe via a Remind text that I’d been removed from the staff list. I sent my husband turn in my badge, so I could avoid conversation with my employers who couldn’t give me more than 5 minutes to lay me off without explanation.
I spend most of my time these days adding and taking away from our newly purchased house. There’s a big, beautiful fence outside my window that my husband, brother, housemate, and I grueled over for 2 months.
I’m in a weird place now, mentally speaking.
I definitely have projects and tasks to fill my time. I spend my nights thinking up new anxieties about my family feeling lonely in the quarantine.
I’m leading a congregation again, something I haven’t done in two years. It’s an old hug of a feeling. This time around, my eyes are a little more lined, my gray hairs artfully parted out of the way.
I’ll be going on a trip soon. Hopefully we’ll leave in two weeks, sooner rather than later. I’m ready to be in a different setting. Travel is my go-to when my insides are wavering and my path unsteady. I’ve read before that a person’s personality changes in accordance with where they live.
Once in a while I crave a bit of Chicago back in my life. I struggle to shed my seasons of off-time that are built into the rhythms of hibernation in Chicago. My wardrobe fit my well there – big, heavy layers of too-big sweaters that swaddled me in warmth and protection.
The pandemic showed us all that life is literally meaningless without the actors and players in our lives. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”
I’ve been letting my emotions get the better of me lately. I’ve liked watching Netflix’s recent addition, Community. I see or interpret a lot of freedom in the actors who play on the screen. Barrett said to me, “What’s holding me back?”