I’ve never been a runner.
In reality, I’ve never been much of a “mover” at all.
I recently began experimenting with Pilates, Yoga, and weekly running to get my butt moving. Call it a quarter-life crisis, but for the first time in my life I was seeing a couch potato mentality form, and I wanted to do something about it.
The first obstacle was my shoes.
Well actually, the first obstacle was myself.
I would get the gear on, whether it was yoga pants or some other yippy form of hot pants, get my shoes on, and start running. Five minutes into my set, I’d get pain in my arches.
So I got new shoes.
I kept finding something I could improve on – maybe I needed to exercise in a different way- try pilates, or barre, or yoga (all three I really, really love).
My pursuit of “moving” has taught me that my bad habits are more than a physical standstill, but a mental one.
The real pain has been accepting that there are things in life I’ll never get the opportunity to run to – whether its the job interview call that I missed, or a family relationship I could never foster quite like I’d like it.
And it’s hard not to blame myself for the shortcomings.
Over the course of a much-needed vacation, I’ve accepted that there’s much at a standstill in my relationship with myself.
I’m trying to break the bad habit of anxiety, which I believe is a real habit. I was never an anxious child. Were you? Did you grow up worrying about the world falling apart tomorrow, or your life falling apart?
When I was a child, my thoughts were occupied with what I could accomplish next, and how to have more fun.
I’m trying to be a runner, or a Pilates-doer, or a better friend so I can prove to myself that despite the doors that I should and need to close, anxiety isn’t my default space. I am not the cause of all my failures, and I am worthy of my time and space to grow.
Where do you feel you’ve fallen short in life?
Have you ever struggled with anxiety being the default way of living? Have you ever considered a life outside of anxiety?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.